I have often thought about entering the ESPN'S strongest man in the world contest. It looks like a lot of fun and I could get on TV.

For those of you who don't know me, I am about 6'4", 270 lbs and feel I could put on a good show. I have lifted weights about 3 times (including once a week ago last thursday). I am ready!

The competition was on yesterday and I thought I would "rate" myself against the current competition. The first contest was a battery lift. The contenders would lift a car battery straight out in from of them and hold it there. The guy who won, held it for 53 seconds. I didn't have a car battery so I opened my old transistor radio, pulled out the 9 volt and began to hold it in front of me. I lasted 3 minutes and 14 seconds. The phone rang and I had to get it.

Ok, I would have won that one. Next challenge was a rock throw. The winner threw the rock they were using about 10 yards. Piece of cake. I went out back, picked up a rock and threw it about 60 yards, just missing the neighbors cat.

The third challenge was squatting a lifting a boat. Please!!!! I have fished all my life. No Problem. My boat is back in NC so I decided to use my ironing board. And just to make it harder, I left the iron on it. I squatted that baby 10 times and then ironed 4 shirts. They didn't even come close.

The final event was car rolling. I didn't see the event because I was hanging up shirts, but the guy apparently rolled 3 cars in 53 seconds. - Impressive. Obviously, I am not going to roll my car, so I took some toilet paper and rolled 3 trees and a shrub. I did that in 34 seconds.

As you can see. I should be the Strongest Man in the Universe. I can bench press about 140 pounds at least 3 times. Not bad considering my height and size. I can also run to the mailbox in front of my house without stopping. I do need a break once I get there. I consider my self a top athlete and should be pronounced the Strongest Man in the World. (or at least sportsman of the year)

If you know who votes for these people, please pass along my name and vote for me!!!